Another Angel Down
by Amynion
Summary: "No Dean. I live!". With that Castiel turned, threw his arms out, spread imagined wings and jumped from the roof of their cabin... Can Sam and Dean now build a human from the broken pieces of an angel?
1. Chapter 1

Note: This follows on directly after When Angels Deserve to Die... Thanks to all who read it, and especially those who left a review :) I just couldn't leave you with that evil cliffhanger :P Big thanks to Jonjo for betaing!  
The snippets of poetry are from Maya Angelou's "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings". I've also woven in The Fray's "How to Save a Life", as ever FF dot net isn't going to link to the wonderful fanvid I want to show you, so pop watch?v=nWuiavLozCQ after the YouTube addy. It's by Addriene, using the same song. ****

**Another Angel Down**

**Chapter One**

_A caged bird stands on the grave of dreams  
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream  
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied  
so he opens his throat to sing_

Pain is a strange thing. Seemingly immeasurable in all the ways it strikes and takes you. When a blow hits there is often a delay. You know it should hurt, but you don't feel it. You know it _will_ hurt when the message running down your nerves reaches your brain… There is that moment, a moment of calm detachment. It is a blessed reprieve of the senses, cursed only with the inevitability of the hurt to come. He did not know it before, that inevitability. In those moments Castiel would repair the damage before he ever got to feel it. But he felt it now…

_This vessel is damaged_… was the only thought running around Castiel's head. He felt cold, he felt wet, and he felt a crushing wave of hurt crash over him. _Something is wrong… the vessel is damaged… must repair…_ But he reached for his grace and found a yawning chasm that scared him more than any of the alien feelings assaulting his senses. Then rough hands were on him, accompanied by a yell of: "Cas you stupid son of a bitch!" His frantic mind stilled and ceased.

-oOo-

"How could I have been so stupid? I shouldn't have left him alone. It was stupid, so stupid…"

The hard plastic chairs of the hospital didn't make waiting any easier. Dean stood and paced. He didn't know whether he was talking to himself or to Sam. He just needed to fill the silence and voice his frustration at his own actions.

"Look, stupid or not, you can't change what happened Dean". Ever the voice of reason, Sam worriedly watched his brother tread and re-tread the same few metres of dull, hospital floor.

"It shouldn't have happened though. If I…" Dean suddenly quieted as a doctor approached them.

"Are you Cas Hetfield's brothers?" The doctor was a man in his late forties; he had salt and pepper hair with a kind face. Though you could never be sure with doctors whether their pleasant manner was genuine or part of the job. Still, his smile, well rehearsed or not, was a welcome sight. As the brothers confirmed his question he went on. "I'm Doctor Parker, I've been looking after Cas. The good news is he'll live. He's had a lucky escape. Leave it to the professionals next time boys…"

They had told the hospital they were working on the roof when Castiel lost his footing and fell. Telling them he'd jumped would _not_ have been a good idea.

"There's a lot of bruising as expected, and he has quite a badly broken foot. Don't worry though, I've seen worse. We've set the bones and put him in a cast. He'll need to stay off it for a good few weeks to let it heal, but after some physical therapy he should be fine. Now we couldn't find any serious head trauma, and you said he didn't land on his head… lets face it, he'd be in a much worse condition if he had… but I would still like to send him for some scans to investigate further. Cas has been saying some rather strange things…"

"No need doc". Dean cut in, engaging his professional bullshit mode. "He has had… uh, mental issues in the past. They were under control with meds, he's better now. The trauma must have set it off again or something. We'll take care of it".

The doctor's smile disappeared, a frown of disapproval taking its place. "You didn't think to mention that when you brought him in?"

"Well… uh, it's personal, you know. And he's been fine for years. I didn't think it needed mentioning…"

"Mr Hetfield, we are medical professionals here, there is no matter too personal for us to deal with. An accurate medical history is very important and can affect the treatment we give…" Dr Parker's demeanour softened, his smile returned. "… but I do understand. If you would like I could refer him to-"

"It's fine, we'll take him back to his old doctor. Now can we see him?"

"Ok, but we've given him a little morphine, so he might not be that talkative. Oh and he's also a little dehydrated so we've put him on a drip. Has he been eating and drinking normally?"

Seeing Dean getting more agitated Sam stepped in and ushered his brother away. "You go, I can answer any questions the doctor has".

Dean gave him a sceptical look but wasted no time in scooting down the corridor to Castiel's room. He hovered a moment in the doorway, taking in the sight of an ashen ex-angel against the stark white of his bed sheets. Tubes ran from Castiel's arms and his leg was plastered and raised. It all seemed so surreal when he had seen the angel shake off gunshots and knife wounds as if he'd been hit with nothing more lethal than a snowball.

Tentatively Dean approached the bed and reached out for Castiel's hand. "Cas? Can you hear me?" There was no response; no fluttering of eyelashes… his hand remained still beneath Dean's warm touch. "I'm sorry man, this is all my fault, I should never have left you".

Each time he spoke Dean paused, as if giving Castiel a chance to wake up and answer. The closest he got was a wistful sigh. Eventually Sam pushed through the door in a hurry, Dean quickly withdrew his hand.

"Dude, we need to get him out of here sooner rather than later. Doctor Parker was asking who his previous doctor was… He wants to forward on notes and everything. Our story isn't going to hold up for long".

And so for the second time in as many weeks the Winchester brothers found themselves "kidnapping" Castiel from a hospital.

-oOo-

Back at the cabin Castiel was set up on the couch again. His foot was raised on a couple of pillows and a faded red blanket had been thrown over him with care. Dean drew closer as the former angel began to stir.

"Hey Cas? You awake?" He lightly shook Castiel's arm and was rewarded with an eyelid cracking open. "Yeah, that's great, now the other one. How you feeling?"

Castiel's eyes lazily wandered around the room before settling on Dean. He seemed to take a moment to gather his thoughts before his cracked voice managed to utter "Strange".

"Yeah well, morphine will do that to you. Water?" After Castiel gave a small nod Dean propped his head up and helped him sip from a bottle.

The cold water seemed to wake him up a little more. "'m back here?"

"Yeah you're back in Kansas, Dorothy".

"But I thought we were in Montana?" Castiel blinked at Dean owlishly.

"It's just… ah, nevermind. Look, you broke your foot, so you're going to have to stay here for a while. No walking around, understand?"

Castiel frowned, as if contemplating the idea of walking, and then he looked slightly worried. "I can't feel anything… why can't I feel anything?"

"It's fine, it's just the drugs. If you start feeling something let me know, cuz it's probably going to hurt like a bitch".

"Ok, I'll tell you when the cupcakes are ready…" Castiel's eyes drifted closed.

Dean sat back with a smile. Castiel might be in a drugged out haze, but at least he looked peaceful for once. Fishing around in his pocket Dean drew out Bobby's flask and placed it on the table with a familiar thunk.

"Ground control to Major Bobby, do you read me?"

Nothing.

"Bobby pick up if you're there…"

Still nothing.

"So help me, I am going to kick your ass when you do show up". And Dean was sure that he would. But the only sound in the room was a soft whimper from his ex-angel.

Castiel started to shift and tremble under his blanket. "Dean… Dean?"

"I'm here, is it starting to hurt?" After a slight nod Dean went to retrieve a pill bottle and shook a couple out.

"Here. I got you". Once again Dean helped lift Castiel's head as he took the pills and knocked them back with some water.

As Castiel settled back down, Dean turned his attention to the flask again. "Come on Bobby, we're not done, we can't leave it like that… Show yourself".

Dean quietly watched the flask with a slight look of concentration on his face. It almost seemed as if Bobby would appear out of the ether if Dean could focus on the flask hard enough. After a few moments had passed the silence was broken by Castiel's weak voice. "I know what love is now. This is love".

Dean looked up from the flask, brow furrowed with confusion. "What do you mean?"

"I can feel it now… Since time immemorial I watched…" Castiel paused to lick his dry lips before continuing. "I watched countless young couples fall in love, grow old together and die. I watched mothers care for their newborns with unconditional love. I see it between you and your brother. I could see it but never experience it. I wondered what it was like to love, and be loved. I tried to imagine this force, so powerful, so gentle, but it was always out of reach. I was not made to know or feel love… but I wanted it. I wanted it so much, and I wasn't supposed to want. We had only orders and duty. Cold order and duty… but now there is no pain, there is no suffering and this euphoria… this must be what love feels like". Castiel's glassy eyed anguish gave way to a hazy smile.

"That's not love Cas. It's the drugs, you're just high". Dean tried to brush it off but warning bells were ringing at the back of his head. The ghost of future Castiel lurched to life and smirked at his dark thoughts.

"This has to be love. How can you be so happy if this is not love?"

"Believe me Cas, it's not love… Love is better than that". Dean spoke with a sad smile, remembering Lisa who could no longer remember him.

"Then I would very much like to feel it…" Castiel slurred as he dozed off.

Dean waited, making sure he was well away before giving his answer. "No you wouldn't Cas, because it doesn't last. And when it ends you'll feel so torn to shreds you'll wonder if it was ever worth it in the first place…"

Hearing the car pull up, Dean fell silent and waited for Sam to come in. Sure enough the cabin door creaked open and Sam entered with a couple of bags full of supplies. After a nod and an enquiry into Castiel he set them down on the kitchen counter and tossed a box to Dean.

"Really Sammy? This the best you can do?" Dean scowled at his brother.

Sam only half shrugged an apology. "They were out of pie. There must be another pie addict in the area buying them all up".

"But cupcakes? I swear you do it to annoy me…"

-oOo-

As the weeks passed cabin fever set in. Castiel wouldn't move from the couch, he ate little, slept lots, and kept requesting the painkillers. This had become quite a point of contention with Dean. Dean insisted on cutting the dosage down, Castiel insisted he was still in pain. After the latest row Dean had left the cabin in a huff, Sam had hinted he should go for a walk to clear his head. As if to spite them Dean made his exit a dramatic one; the cabin door slamming nearly set the whole house shaking. And so Sam was left with Castiel.

Sam could see the ex-angel trembling under the blanket that had become a second skin to him. A sheen of sweat lay over his forehead, and his eyes were scrunched shut. He sure looked like he was in pain.

"Dean's only like this because he's worried about you, you know". Sam quietly took a seat by the couch.

"I hurt, my leg hurts… Please Sam, I need more". Castiel spoke between gritted teeth, his pleading eyes wrenched at Sam's heart.

Sam's eyes wandered to the pill bottle. Dean had placed it on top of a high cabinet, and pushed it back as far as he could make it go. It was well out of Castiel's reach, even if he was mobile, which he most certainly wasn't. However Sam's reach was a different story.

"Your next dose isn't for a few hours yet Cas…" Sam offered a token resistance. He wanted to give Castiel some relief, but fear of Dean's reaction stayed his hand. Still… Dean had gone out, who knows how long he would be? It might be enough time to take some of Castiel's pain away.

"Please Sam… I _can't_ _stand _this". The wrecked sound of Castiel's voice made up his mind for him. He couldn't sit here and watch Castiel suffer.

Sam deftly took the bottle of pills from the cabinet and shook a couple out. It was all done with a slight hint of haste and stealth, as if Dean would come through the door and catch him in the act. Castiel eagerly took the pills like a man left wandering the desert would lunge at water.

"Just don't let Dean know I gave them to you". Sam sighed… Castiel didn't really seem like he cared.

Sam sat back down and watched as the painkillers kicked in and Castiel visibly relaxed. His tight body unwound like a slowly released spring. His formerly rapid breathing evened out, it deepened, loosening him up… A wave of relief seemed to wash over the ex-angel. It lapped at Sam's feet; he no longer had to watch Castiel endure such pain.

"I dream now you know…" Being free from pain seemed to have loosened Castiel's tongue.

"Yeah?" Sam hesitated to ask what he dreamt about. It wasn't going to be puppies and kittens for sure.

"I walked in so many people's dreams, and now find myself so unprepared for them. I didn't realise how real it felt to the dreamer. In those moments between moments, in those places between places… it's all true. To fall is to die, until you wake gasping in this world once again. It seemed such an obvious fabrication to me as an angel. And now I fear closing my eyes…

Most of the time, I'm standing in your ring of fire. It always happens differently, no two times the same, or as it actually was… Sometimes I throw myself on your mercy, sometimes I cast myself into the fire, sometimes I…" He trailed off, not wanting to finish the sentence, as if realising how bad it would sound. "I just wish it really happened differently. I asked you to trust me, you wouldn't. I told you I raised you and you assumed the worst. You thought I meant to leave you incomplete. How could you think that?"

He turned to face Sam then, eyes innocent and sincere. "Sam… I raised you from Perdition".

"Um… thanks for that". Sam really didn't know what to say. He wasn't sure whether he should console the angel with false feelings or give him a dose of truth and point out that he had been working with Crowley, and that didn't exactly foster feelings of trust.

"That's what he said. Right before he stabbed me". The former angel sank back on the couch with a broken laugh.

A hazy look descended on Castiel, and a strange smile graced his lips as he was swept away by the drugs. "I raised you both from Perdition and you both stabbed me. So if I send you back to hell will I get pie? But I'd have to share the pie with Dean… no, he'd be in Perdition. I could have it all. I don't really like pie though… maybe Bobby would like it".

Of course, Dean chose that moment to come back to the cabin. Sam shot to his feet and stood in front of Castiel, blocking him from view. "Hey, how are you doing? Better now?"

"Yeah, forget it, let's just eat and watch some TV. Dr Sexy will be on in a minute". Dean went over to the kitchen area to wash his hands. Sam followed and noticed Dean had scraped his knuckles. Maybe the fresh air hadn't helped as much as punching something had…

"You can't have the pie Dean!" Castiel's voice came across to them. Sam willed him to be quiet.

"What was that? What'd he say? We have pie?" The thought of pie seemed to perk Dean up.

"Um, no, he's just…" Sam flailed for an explanation as Dean strode across to the former angel.

Castiel reached out to grab Dean's hand. "I'm sorry, you can't have the pie". He whispered sombrely "I think Bobby ate it. His dog told me…"

Dean shook Castiel's hands away and turned to Sam. "Mind explaining why Cas is tripping balls?"

"Dean, I…" Sam flailed a little more.

"Ok Sam, a word please". Dean waved him down to the basement where their voices would be heard a little less easily. He gave the impression he was barely hanging on to his anger.

As soon as Sam's foot left the bottom step and hit the basement floor Dean turned on him. "You gave him more pills didn't you? I told you not to! I thought we agreed we'd get him off them? I'd worked out a schedule and everything and you just go fill him up as soon as my back is turned!"

"He's still _in pain_ Dean!" Instead of continuing to flail Sam went on the offensive and decided to butt heads with his brother if it was an argument he wanted.

"But we need to get him off those pills!" Dean threw his hands wide, acting as if he found Sam's actions incomprehensible.

"He has a broken foot Dean! How else is supposed to relieve the pain? Breathing exercises?"

"It'll leave him worse off in the long run! If only you knew…" He ran a hand over his face and turned his back on Sam.

Sam put a hand on his shoulder and pulled Dean back round. "If only I knew what Dean? What's got you so worked up about these pills? You took enough when you broke your leg; I'd call this being just a little hypocritical".

The anger seemed to drain out of Dean then. His voice turned hollow and defeated. "The future Sammy… In the future Zachariah sent me to Cas is an addict, and he's so broken. I can't let that happen to him. I was a dick you know, I sent Cas to his death, and he went willingly! I won't become that, and I won't let him either".

"It's not going to happen. The other stuff you told me about can't come true. Lucifer's safely locked up, Croatoan's defeated… We won Dean; we stopped it all from happening, if it was ever going to happen in the first place. Zachariah was a dick too; he probably made it all up". Sam sought to be reassuring, it didn't seem to work.

"You know what the devil told me after he crushed other-me's throat beneath his foot? He said I would always end up there… whatever details I alter, whatever choices I make, we would always end up there. And look at what's happening! You know what else happened in the future? Cas broke his foot. Bobby died. You said 'yes' in Detroit. The angels weren't around because they left… here they've been killed off. We're making choices and altering details but the same things are still happening… What if we're taking a different path to the same destination?" There was a note of fear in Dean's voice that scared Sam.

"It's coincidence Dean. Cas could have broken anything, heck he could have died. And Bobby's coming back…"

"Really? Cuz every time I get his goddamn flask out my hope dies a little bit more".

"Stop it Dean. You have to stay strong. Remember what you told me? 'We make our own future'. It's still true. We're deciding where we go and what we do. So stop thinking like that, it'll drive you crazy. Now let's just go back upstairs, get a beer, and watch some TV. We can have a normal evening, no yelling, no crying, and no killing stuff, ok?" Sam gave Dean's shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

Dean took a moment and then nodded, as if giving in. "Dr Sexy's going to find out his girl's been cheating on him with that scumbag intern. Wouldn't want to miss that…"

Sam made a crack at Dean's poor taste in TV before giving his brother's back a friendly slap and pushing him towards the stairs. Sam usually welcomed the times Dean actually opened up and talked to him about these things… but with this topic Sam would rather shut it down and run. Dean was meant to be the one who shot their problems in the face and told them to 'shove it', his fear was infectious. But perhaps more than that was the fact the future Dean spoke of meant only one thing for Sam… and that was Lucifer.

-oOo-

Things only seemed to go from bad to worse with Castiel. Eventually the time came when they had to take his cast off. Castiel fought them tooth and nail. Sam tried holding him down while Dean fired up the angle grinder. But Castiel flailed about so much Dean was in danger of cutting his foot off. Reluctantly Dean agreed to give Castiel more pills. They waited until he zoned out before tackling the cast again. Sam made to hold him down just in case, but all Castiel did was raise a wobbly hand to press two fingers against Sam's forehead. The former angel looked slightly confused that Sam was still conscious, then his own eyes started to close and Dean got to work.

Dean examined Castiel's foot once the cast was off, running his hands over the limb, feeling for anything out of place. "Well it looks ok to me, but without an x-ray who knows? We should get him to put weight on it now. The longer he puts this off the worse it's going to be…"

Castiel had resisted all attempts to get him up and about. Dean had found his old crutch, but it only ended up thrown in a corner after one of their rows when Castiel refused to use it. The ex-angel only left the couch to answer the call of nature, and he insisted on either Sam or Dean half supporting, half carrying him, to the bathroom. Dean wouldn't do it any more, but Sam always gave in.

After Sam left on a supply run Dean switched on the TV and settled down with a beer. It was a nature program about meerkats. Dean had started watching it because there was nothing else on, but he was soon getting into it. The meerkats were being attacked by a rival group and their pups were heartlessly killed. "Man these meerkats are ruthless…" Dean muttered to himself with a sip of beer.

As the burrow was successfully defended, and the rival group fled, Castiel began to stir. Dean waited until the credits started to roll before switching it off. He wanted to give Castiel time to wake up… and he really wanted to know what happened with the meerkats.

"Ok Cas, time to get that foot working again". Dean put his beer down and clapped his hands with faux enthusiasm.

Castiel looked down at his foot as if seeing it for the first time. Then he looked up at Dean with wide eyes and shook his head.

"Come on dude, the cast is off, no more excuses". He stood then and held a hand out to the former angel.

Castiel ignored Dean's hand and choked out "I can't… It hurts".

"Suck it up. I took my cast off early and went chasing after Sam the minute it hit the floor. Plus you've had your painkillers for today; it should be enough to take the edge off". Dean wiggled his fingers at Castiel.

"You are used to pain… I am not". The former angel looked up at Dean darkly.

"Well we all have to start somewhere. Seriously Cas, use it or lose it. If you don't get your foot working again you might not be able to. You want to spend the rest of your life limping around?" Dean's hand fell down to his side, the invitation to Castiel withdrawn.

"Leave me alone Dean, I need to rest". Castiel tried to burrow back down into the couch underneath his blanket.

"I won't, and you've done nothing but rest Cas. It's time to get up". He stepped forward, took the edge of the blanket, and forcefully ripped it away from the ex-angel. The ragged red blanket flew across the room. "Now get on your feet".

Without the blanket Castiel was exposed. He curled up on one side as if to hide himself. A cold feeling ran through Dean at seeing how thin the former angel was, but he wouldn't be defeated. "For God's sake Cas, it's like you're not even trying to get better!"

Castiel turned to face him then, a wrathful look on his face. "And what have I got to get better for? There is nothing for me in this life!"

"Don't you pull that on me Cas! You know how many times I would have loved to just give up, sit here and wallow? But I didn't. We get knocked down and we get right back up again. You're getting up Cas, even if I have to make you!"

"You can try" Castiel hissed.

"You should know better than to call my bluff". Dean growled, reached out for Castiel, and roughly pulled the ex-angel to his feet. Castiel cried out and tried to resist, but his feeble efforts were easily brushed off by Dean. "Now one foot in front of the other…"

Castiel made no attempt to walk. Dean ended up hauling him around the cabin while he sobbed and whimpered. Eventually Castiel lifted a leg and took a fragile stab at a step. It would probably hurt less to walk than have his wounded appendage drag along the floor. Each step Dean took jarred his foot, sending spikes of pain up his leg.

After seeing Castiel's small effort Dean dumped him back down on the couch. The former angel clutched at his offending limb and glared at Dean. "There, you tried. That's all I'm asking. All I want is for you to try".

Throwing the blanket at Castiel Dean turned the TV back on and snatched up his beer. He pointedly ignored the ex-angel's angry stare, and acted for all the world as if nothing had happened.

It became a regular thing, every time Sam went out on a supply run or left for a jog Dean would drag Castiel around the cabin. He didn't want Sam to know about it; no doubt he would think it some kind of torture. With the fuss Castiel made it sure sounded like torture. Sometimes he fought Dean and cried out at every step, other times it was passive resistance, he would go limp and force Dean to pull him round like a piece of dead meat. It was like dealing with a child. But Dean kept telling himself it was for Castiel's own good, and so he carried on.

On this occasion Dean's frustration got the better of him. Castiel's arm was slung over Dean's shoulder as he tried forcing the ex-angel to take another step. Castiel's legs remained still, so Dean shuffled forward and Castiel let out a moan as his foot dragged uselessly against the floor. It was that moment when Dean snapped. Abruptly he spun them around and headed for the bathroom.

"You know what? I've met homeless guys that smell better than you Cas. Go take a shower, and you can make your own way back to the couch". It was said with a spiteful edge to his voice.

Dean lowered Castiel down into the bottom of the shower none too gently. He was past caring by this point. He left to retrieve the discarded crutch and threw it down at Castiel's feet. Dean said nothing more to the former angel. He simply stormed off and left the cabin with a trade mark slam of the door.

-oOo-

Dean got in the car and slammed that door too. Then aggressively pulling off, he set out on a drive to clear his head. It sometimes helped to have nowhere to go, only the asphalt to follow. He turned the radio on and set the volume at a level where his own thoughts were louder. After a bit of chatter the first solemn piano notes of _How to Save a Life_ rang out. Dean rolled his eyes but made no move to change the station. _Step one you say we need to talk…_

Talking never seemed to work with Castiel. Not now, not when he got into bed with Crowley. Of course now the ex-angel saw the error of his ways, but it needn't have gotten that far if only he had listened… If only he would listen. Dean was only trying to help.

_Between the lines of fear and blame, you begin to wonder why you came…_

Dean feared Castiel, he feared for him and the drug addled version he became. He could see the potential for it in the former angel, and he wanted to do all he could to stop it happening. That meant getting him better without the pills. But all Dean got from Castiel was blame. The former angel didn't seem to understand he was trying to help. Castiel saw his actions only as a torment… What little he said as he cried out tore at Dean. He blamed Dean for making him human and told Dean to let him rot. And in his worst moments Dean wondered why he bothered. How could he help the former angel when Castiel wouldn't help himself?

_Let him know that you know best, 'cause after all you do know best…_

Dean did know best. If Castiel didn't get using his legs again he might end up permanently damaged. Why wouldn't he cooperate? Why wouldn't he try? Sure being human sucked, but he had to accept the situation… Barring divine intervention of some kind Castiel was stuck as a human. He should be thankful - he could be dead. The ex-angel had been given another chance and was going to waste it by rotting on the couch.

_Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend, somewhere along in the bitterness…_

Eventually Dean started to think about turning back. No doubt Castiel would still be sitting in the shower, just to spite him. Dean would just have to pick him up off the floor again. Hitting the steering wheel out of frustration Dean's earlier words came to him. The words he said the last time he picked Castiel up off the floor, when the angel had become human: 'We'll look after you…' and for a moment he hated himself. Castiel had been through something horrendous and all Dean could do was push at him.

_And I would have stayed up with you all night, had I known how to save a life…_

But Dean didn't know how to be gentle. That was Sam's department. Dean's philosophy was to shout at the world until it gave in or your voice gave out… It wasn't working.

-oOo-

The cold porcelain of the shower bit into Castiel as Dean dropped him into it. After disappearing momentarily he returned only to cast the crutch at Castiel's feet before leaving again. As the sound of the door slamming died away there was nothing but silence. Castiel's foot throbbed painfully; the floor of the shower was hard, but beginning to warm as he sat there. He didn't want to move. He didn't know why Dean insisted on making him walk. He was human now, and useless. It didn't matter whether he walked with a limp, or ever walked again. As the weeks passed by the cabin seemed to get ever smaller. Its walls closed in, forcing them together, taking away the air. The only thing that made any of this bearable was the pills. They took away his pain, they made him not care, and they even made him happy.

From his position on the floor Castiel could see the cabinet where Dean kept the pills. His salvation was always so near and yet so far. Not so now. Dean had unwittingly given Castiel the tool for his deliverance. If Dean wanted him to walk, then he would walk. These few steps would be for Dean. Castiel reached out for the crutch, welcoming its solid wooden weight into his hand for the first time. After a bit of struggling he gained his feet, head spinning momentarily at being up so suddenly. Pausing, he looked back at the shower and thoughtfully turned it on. It would be like the rain. In the rain he felt like an angel.

Castiel didn't really take time to coordinate the crutch and his legs. He lurched quickly forward to the cabinet in an awkward gambol. A newborn foal finding its legs probably did so more gracefully. But he needed the pills quickly before Dean came back, Dean didn't like him having the pills… Castiel reached the counter and clutched at it to stay upright. Then he took the crutch and thrust it at the pill bottle on top of the cabinet. He missed at first, but on his third attempt the bottle shot off and fell to the floor with a satisfying rattle. Castiel scrabbled after it; he pried the top off with shaking hands as if he couldn't wait to get at the contents. Then pouring a few pills out onto his palm Castiel knocked them back dry. Dean was always careful to count how many, Castiel supposed he should have paid more attention, but he couldn't bring himself to care as a fuzzy feeling descended on him. Not bothering to find the crutch Castiel crawled back to the shower and sat under the spray with the pill bottle held on his lap tightly in a fist. He lay against the side of the shower, closing his eyes and imagining the weight of wings at his back.


	2. Chapter 2

**Another Angel Down**

**Chapter Two**

_The caged bird sings  
with a fearful trill  
of things unknown  
but longed for still_

When Sam pushed the cabin door open after coming back from his jog he thought something was strange. There was no sign of Dean or Castiel, and no answer when he called them. The car was gone, so Dean was probably out. The soft hiss of the shower told him somebody was having a wash… Castiel? Had he finally tired of the couch? The former angel's crutch lay discarded on the floor… Thoughts and possibilities assaulted Sam, and none of them good. He looked to the top of the cabinet and found the pill bottle missing. Shit.

Rushing through to the shower Sam found Castiel unconscious, wet through, and clutching the pill bottle in a lax grip. After turning the water off Sam slapped Castiel's face, his breathing was shallow and he was cold. The flow of water had been icy. Sam slapped Castiel harder after getting no response, this time he was rewarded with a faint moan and fluttering of eyelids.

"Cas? Cas, wake up! How many did you take?" He shook the ex-angel, but Castiel's head lolled. Speech seemed beyond him.

Sam swore and dragged Castiel's dead weight to the toilet. Then prying the former angel's jaw open he forced his fingers into Castiel's mouth. Sam suddenly had a vision of his first meeting with the angel. He had been so struck with the power and grace of the being stood in front of him… Sam practically fell over himself to offer a hand, anything to gain his approval. Castiel had been slow to take it, but when he did it was like absolution. Now here Sam was sticking the same fingers down Castiel's throat so he wouldn't die from an overdose. He didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

Castiel gagged and coughed, bringing up the contents of his stomach. Sam could only hope he'd managed to get to the ex-angel in time to stop most of the drugs getting into his system. As Castiel finished retching Sam grabbed a towel and sat on the floor with his back to the wall. He pulled Castiel round to lean against him; it felt a tainted embrace after what had just happened. Sam gently wiped at the former angel's mouth, and the tear tracks against his cheeks. Castiel drew in a shuddering breath and gazed up at Sam with glassy eyes, so full of guilt and innocence. His lips moved as if he was saying something, but no sound came out.

"Cas… what did you go and do that for?" Sam didn't expect an answer from the angel in his arms. "We just got you back… Don't do anything like that again, ok?"

-oOo-

When Dean returned he found Castiel back on the couch, wrapped in towels and his familiar red blanket. He was pale with shadows marked beneath his eyes. Sam was making a meal in the kitchen and turned to glare at Dean as he stepped inside.

"Oh so you actually took a shower and got back to the couch. Don't tell me, Sam helped you?" Castiel just closed his eyes and looked away.

"Yes, Sam helped. Sam had to stick his fucking fingers down his throat to help". Sam waved a knife in Castiel's direction then slammed it down on the counter. "What were you thinking Dean, leaving him like that? I thought you might have learnt your lesson from before but…"

"Wait, what? What happened?"

"Cas got his hands on the pills. I found him half dead in the shower. Go talk to your angel Dean". Sam turned back to his cooking.

Dean looked shell shocked. Then the guilt slammed into him. He imagined he would come back to find Castiel still sitting in the shower… He hoped Castiel would have got the message and made his own way back to the couch. But he never would have thought the former angel would go for the pills and try to end it all. Dean took a seat next to Castiel on the couch and reached out for his hand.

"Look at me Cas…" The ex-angel's hand went rigid as he touched it, but Castiel turned to face Dean. "Why? Why did you do it? I know it must be hard being human after being so much more… but is death really any better?"

"I didn't mean to…" Castiel's voice was small and tired, it was a million miles from the commanding angelic one he used to wield. "I just wanted to be free from the pain. I just wanted to feel that ecstasy. I didn't care…"

"So you didn't try to kill yourself, good. But not caring… that's almost as bad. I've been there Cas, I've thrown myself into things not caring whether I lived or died. I was reckless, and hurting those around me as much as myself". He spared a glance at Sam's back before continuing. "Please just try to understand that I care, and when you don't it hurts me too".

"I don't want to hurt you Dean, but this pain… this hole where my grace should be, the phantom feeling of wings that are no longer there… it's too much. I need to escape this body, it ties me down to the ground, it confines me, suffocates me… The pills help".

"Pills aren't the answer Cas. I never found the answer to anything at the bottom of a bottle, same goes for those that hold pills. It gets better. It'll get better as you get better. You've just experienced the crappy side of humanity so far. When you're up and about again I'll take you to see the good stuff. We can find ourselves another Chastity eh? Just try to get better for me ok? I'm only asking for you to try…" Dean felt Castiel's hand relax under his own.

Then Castiel met Dean's eyes with a little hope and a small smile. "I think I can try".

Dean gave Castiel's hand a reassuring squeeze then looked up towards Sam. He expected his brother to be glaring daggers, but Sam watched them with a small smile of his own, and then he gave Dean a nod as if to say 'you done well kid'. Dean bit back the urge to say 'bitch' and just gave a nod in return.

-oOo-

And so began Castiel's road to recovery. This time Dean helped Castiel around the cabin at his own pace. It was slow going, but every step Castiel took was cause for celebration in Dean's mind. He could have jumped for joy when he returned to the cabin one day and found Castiel hobbling about by himself using the crutch. The former angel was beginning to enjoy more than just ice cream too. Things seemed to be on the up, though Dean made sure to keep the bottle of pills in his jacket pocket at all times. He loathed giving them to Castiel, but the ex-angel had good and bad days, and on the bad days he needed them. Castiel knew better than to ask for the pills, but Dean could tell… The former angel's frame would go rigid, he gritted his teeth and his eyes flicked continually to Dean's pocket. Castiel wouldn't ask, but he cried out for them in other ways.

After the pills from the hospital ran out Dean had managed to source some more from a contact of Bobby's. If their father's journal was a sort of guide to hunting, Bobby's was a 'Who's Who' of the hunting world. Dean had found the number for a nearby medical contact that dabbled in patching up hunters. Steph was a vet actually, but at the end of the day people and animals were both just flesh and bone. She had been so saddened to hear of Bobby's demise and vowed to get them whatever they needed. When Dean went to meet her for a refill she said she had a few good stories to tell him about Bobby, but Dean was in a hurry to get back to Castiel, and so he said he'd listen to them another time. Steph was only a slight thing, blonde hair, gentleness personified. It had to be the first time Dean passed up on flirting to rush home to a dude. But since the overdose he had been reluctant to let Castiel out of his sight, even knowing Sam was there he still felt he needed to get back… Whether it was concern or guilt he wasn't sure. He just knew he needed to make sure that Castiel was alright.

Dean sat watching television while the rhythmical thunk and huffing of Castiel crutching his way around the cabin interrupted. He wouldn't tell the former angel to pipe down or stop though. Not even when he crossed in front of the television, blocking it from Dean's view for a few moments. The angel had gone from not wanting to use his legs at all to this continual need to be on his feet. Sometimes he would overdo it and retreat to the couch; his foot throbbing and feeling like a vice was crushing it. In those moments Dean would tell him to take it easy, but as ever Castiel didn't listen. He seemed to grow frustrated at his lack of progress. Dean supposed Castiel was used to things happening in an instant. The former angel could be across the globe in the blink of an eye, and bones used to heal with but a thought.

As Dean watched Castiel cross the television once more he could see the frustration mounting. The former angel disappeared behind Dean, and then with a cry and a crash he hit the ground in a tangle of limbs. Dean was on his feet in an instant, reaching down to Castiel.

"Don't touch me!" the former angel turned to spit at Dean.

Dean stayed his hand and straightened, taking a slight step back, a little hurt though he wouldn't admit it.

"I… I can do this". Castiel's voice softened, and Dean realised he didn't mean to lash out, he was only angry at himself.

So Dean stood by watching silently as Castiel struggled to his feet. He wanted so much to just reach out and give him a hand, but the ex-angel wouldn't allow it. When Castiel was finally upright with the crutch under his arm, he limped to the couch and collapsed with a sigh. "These human bodies are so fragile, slow, and… infuriating!"

"We take time to heal Cas. You can't get better by going at it like a bull at a gate. You'll only strain yourself and make it worse".

"I just want to get better… I just want to be useful again. I'll never be as useful as I was before, but _this_… this is worse than being useless. I am a burden".

"Stop talking like that, you're not a burden. You just got hurt…"

"I was meant to protect you Dean. Now I can't even walk… I've been relying on my charge to take care of me. It is not meant to be this way". Castiel's head dropped back on the couch, a sign of defeat.

"Did you hear me? I just told you to stop talking like that. You're not a heavenly dickwad now Cas. God ain't pulling the strings, and he probably never was. You don't have any orders and you don't need to perch on my shoulder any more. You've got a new family, a better one, and in this family we look after each other when we're hurt". Dean said it all with a matter-of-fact voice Castiel wouldn't be able to argue with. The former angel opened his mouth to disagree, but he couldn't find the words.

"You've been doing so well Cas. You'll be ditching that crutch in no time at all. Just give it a bit more time okay?"

"Okay… but I still have to protect you Dean, I'll always have to protect you". Castiel raised his head and levelled a stare at Dean.

"Fine, but if you're protecting me then I'm protecting you. Heck, Sam can protect us both. You're in a real family now and families look out for each other". Dean met the stare and emphasised his point. The former angel said nothing in return; he just gave a slight nod and reached for his crutch.

-oOo-

Sure enough Castiel ditched his crutch. He walked with a limp at first, but it seemed to be getting better every day. The former angel tried hard to hide it, but as was typical Castiel would overdo it and then quietly slink to the couch hoping he could sit before the boys noticed. With his increased mobility Castiel wanted to do more and go further… but he hadn't managed more than a few short walks in the surrounding wood. The first time he set out strong, Dean could barely keep up. It wasn't long before he slowed… Castiel insisted he was alright, even though Dean ended up supporting his weight on the way back. Dean gave him the usual line about these things taking time, Castiel tried not to let the frustration get to him…

Rain had been pelting the windows of the cabin for most of the day. Although it had all but stopped now it was still too wet to enjoy a walk in the woods, so Castiel and Dean sat in front of the television. At the table Sam dutifully worked away at their leviathan research. Dean's attention was rapt until the familiar Smoke on the Water riff issued from his phone, interrupting the dramatic music of the telenovela. Cursing Dean took it from his pocket, but after seeing who it was he stepped off to one side and picked up. "Hey Steph, what's up?"

"Dean… I'm so sorry, I knew I should have told somebody, but he asked me not to and now I think he's dead…" Steph's soft voice had a frantic edge to it.

"Woah there, slow down, start from the beginning and tell me what happened".

"There's a hunter, Mick, he lives round these parts. I started patching him up pretty regularly, he got really beat up a few times and he had these gashes… I suspected a werewolf, but he wouldn't talk about it. Eventually Mick called me out to this place in the woods; he was in a real bad way and couldn't get to me. He had to admit it then, he told me his girl had been bitten. He was keeping her in a safe house out there… but he begged me not to tell anybody. Mick was so sure he was going to find the cure, and he was so scared another hunter would kill her. I should have said something…" Steph started out slow getting quicker and quicker as she went on.

Dean tried his best to be reassuring. "Look, don't beat yourself up. If this is anybody's fault it's Mick's. He was deluding himself holding out for a cure. We've been there, done that, and got the t-shirt - there isn't one. Let me guess, he's gone missing and you think the were-girlfriend got him?"

"Yeah... I made him check in with me regularly, I was worried about him. I haven't heard anything, and he won't answer his phone. I think she killed him…"

"Let's not jump to conclusions. He might have just lost his phone or something right? We can take a drive out there and check it out". Dean had visions of the poor guy lying dead in the middle of the woods, his chest a gaping cavity…

"Can you come by and pick me up?" Steph's voice turned pleading. "I can show you where it is".

"I'm not sure that's a good idea, can't you just tell us?" He really didn't want to inflict the aforementioned sight on Steph, or potentially put her in the path of a werewolf for that matter.

"Please… he's a friend, a good friend. I need to be there". She had the sort of voice a kid uses to get round its parents.

So Dean reluctantly agreed and told Steph they'd be right there. He put the phone down and turned to get Sam only to find Castiel blocking his path. The former angel was standing just a few inches away, personal space seemingly forgotten again.

"Take me". His voice was firm and the words were spoken as if a 'no' wouldn't be accepted.

"Geez, am I running a werewolf tourist attraction or something? Everybody wants to come. Cas, you can barely walk, it's out of the question".

"I _can_ walk-"

"-with a limp-" Dean chipped in.

Castiel ignored him. "- I need to do this. To feel useful again… to get out there and do something. Please Dean, let me come".

"You don't need to do _this_ to be useful Cas. And if you want to get out and do something I can take you to the shops on a supply run, hunting isn't exactly a walk in the park". Dean was trying to stay firm, but Castiel's pleading blue eyes were a force to be reckoned with. "Ok, tell you what, if you can go outside and walk all around the cabin without your crutch and without limping then you can come".

As Castiel quickly headed for the door Dean tacked on: "But you can stay in the car and protect Steph!" Just in case the stubborn ex-angel actually succeeded.

And of course he did. Castiel took his time and grit his teeth, but he made it round the cabin. The look on Dean's face was worth the pain.

-oOo-

After picking Steph up she gave Dean some directions and they drove off into the night. Castiel had offered her his hand to shake and gravely informed her that he would be her guardian for the evening. She took his hand with a nervous laugh and asked after his foot. Dean butted in, interrupting their "bonding time" as he called it, to talk about the Mick situation.

The road became bumpier and bumpier as they went further into the trees. Eventually the road narrowed to a dirt track the car wouldn't fit down. As Dean pulled up Steph told them a smaller path ran off the dirt track heading east. Then if they turned north at a distinctive large, dead, tree Mick's safe house would be right ahead. Sam and Dean got out of the car and Steph followed suit.

As Sam went to the trunk to gather the usual, Dean held a hand up at Steph and pointed back at the car. "No objections. You're stopping here".

"But you'll miss the path if I don't show you, it's really hard to see at night and…"

"Look, we've done more hunts than you've had hot dinners. I think we can find a path between us. I'm not risking your life if there's a werewolf out there".

Steph bit her lip as if nervously revealing her real motive "… I need to look for him, he'll need me".

"If he's out there, and in one piece, we'll take care of him. We'll bring him right back here to you ok? So get back in the car, and stay". Dean almost felt like he was yelling at a dog to stay put, but she seemed to respond and slipped back in the car beside Castiel. Maybe it was the vet thing.

Once Steph was back in the car and out of earshot Dean went to the trunk and muttered to Sam, "eesh - girl loves guy, guy loves werewolf. Write this down Sammy, it'll be the next Twilight, we'll make a million".

"She's just concerned about him". Sam finally grabbed a flashlight and shut the trunk.

"Yeah right, I thought you were supposed to be the one in touch with your feelings and everything? She so likes him". Dean clicked on his flashlight with a chuckle.

"Come on Stephanie Meyer, lets get moving". With a smirk Sam clapped Dean's shoulder and pushed him on.

"Oh wait up". Dean slipped out a silver knife and passed it to Castiel through the window. "This is a last resort you hear me? First thing you do if a werewolf comes sniffing around is stop in the car and hide. You lay low and pretend you're not here right?"

Castiel gave him a firm nod, and seemingly satisfied Dean headed off down the dirt track with Sam.

-oOo-

After turning north at the dead tree – which was creepy as all hell – the brothers came across Mick's phone. It was discarded in the bushes but its hopeful ringtone gave the location away. Though it could still ring, the face was cracked… not a good sign. Cautiously Sam and Dean advanced until the safe house came in sight. It was not unlike Rufus' cabin, maybe a bit smaller, and a bit more reinforced… or a lot more reinforced. Metal lay across the windows, clearly intended to keep something strong in. But a deathly silence said there was nothing there now… The two of them circled the cabin, trying to catch a glimpse through the small cracks left by the reinforcements. However there was nothing to be seen in the pitch black interior. The door looked recently broken though.

While Dean stood off to one side, knife and gun at the ready, Sam gave the door a slight knock. With no reply he pushed at it, harder and harder he pushed until it gave a little and sprung back into place. "I think there's something blocking it on the other side, give me a hand Dean".

With the two of them heaving at the door something gave way. It was accompanied by the unmistakable whine of furniture moving across the floor. Sam shone his flashlight through the gap, it illuminated a pair of legs across the room. "Shit, there's somebody in there. Mick? Mick is that you?"

No reply came from the body slumped against the wall. The two of them pushed against the door again, increasing the gap to a size they could get through. While Dean watched the door Sam rushed to the man's side, checking for signs of life. He was a bloody mess, but shallow breaths said he still lived. Sam patted at his cheeks "Mick? Mick, can you wake up for me?"

Mick stirred for a moment, but he didn't make it back to consciousness. A bloody rag that looked like it used to be a coat was clutched between Mick's hands and pressed against his chest. It seemed as if he'd attempted to stem the bleeding at least. Sam looked under the coat at the mess and then pressed it back down. At that Mick's eyes flew open and he gasped.

"Hey, it's ok Mick, we're friends… Steph sent us to look for you". Sam tried to be reassuring despite the circumstances.

"Where is she?" Mick managed to choke out.

"She's back at our car, she's safe…"

"No… no, where is Hayley?"

Sam caught on - Mick must have been talking about his girlfriend. "We don't know, she's not around here, we haven't seen her".

"Don't hurt her… it didn't work this time, but I'll find it, I'll cure her… _please_ don't hurt her". Mick gave a wet cough and winced.

"Mick, I've been there, we've tried… there is no cure. There was a girl once, Madison, we were…" Sam struggled to find the words, they had been so intimate, and maybe he could have been happy with her. He clearly remembered the weight of the gun in his hand as he faced Madison for the last time. It brought the pain back. "… we looked for a cure, we did everything we could, _everything_. There is no cure Mick, the only way to free them from the curse is to…"

"I love her". Mick reached a blood stained hand up to clutch at Sam's coat. His tear filled eyes pierced Sam. "I won't do it. I won't let you… I love her".

"We don't have a choice Mick". Dean interrupted from the door. "Sam we gotta get moving, if she's out there she's going to smell his blood and come right for us".

"Just give me a minute" Sam shot over his shoulder.

"Mick… I told Maddie I was going to save her. I couldn't… she didn't want to live like that. She asked me to save her by shooting her…"

"And you did it?" Mick seemed halfway between disbelief and resignation.

"I had to. She killed people. She didn't mean to. Maddie didn't know what she was doing, but she took lives and if we left her she would have taken more. I know you love Hayley, but don't let her become a killer. Sooner or later it will happen… look at yourself Mick, she's nearly killed _you_".

"Sammy…" Dean gave him a gruff warning.

"I hate this". Mick whispered, his hand twisting in Sam's sleeve. "I hate keeping Hayley here locked up like an animal. I feel as if I've lost her to the wolf completely… but she doesn't change on the full moon. Since things got weird with the monsters werewolf changes have become so unpredictable. I _know_ Hayley's not safe back home. I _know_ she might hurt people, but I can't do it, I can't…"

"Then let us". It hurt Sam to say those words, to offer this man an end to his love so easily. Sam could see himself reflected in Mick. If Sam refused to kill Madison, if he tried to keep her under control, is this how things would have turned out?

"Too late! Sam, get your ass over here!" Dean slammed the door shut and Sam quickly joined him in heaving the heavy furniture back into place. A great jolt ran through them as the werewolf collided with the door, but thankfully it stayed in place. A frustrated growl rent the air, quickly followed by the scrabbling of claws against the door. Sam could only give his brother an apologetic look.

"She'll go… when she realises she can't get in, she'll leave". Mick shifted uncomfortably.

"Yeah, wonderful, and where's she going to go to huh? We left Cas and Steph out there in the car!" Dean's voice shook with the assault of the werewolf going against the door at his back.

"If you want to open the door and get a face full of werewolf be my guest". Sam muttered under his breath. "Wait until she stops, then we'll go out there".

-oOo-

"They've been gone too long". Steph was getting restless. "It's not that far, they should be back by now…"

Castiel wasn't picking up on her hint that they should go and look for the brothers. He remained silent, his eyes intently watching the surrounding darkness for movement.

"Something could have happened. We should go after them…"

"Dean said we have to stop in the car". Castiel put it bluntly.

"What if they're hurt? They might need our help". Steph kept needling away at him.

"I have to protect you Steph. We need to stop in the car". He met her eyes then, trying to emphasise the point.

"You're a hunter, you can protect me out there just as well as in here".

"I am… not what I used to be". It was said in a dejected manner, his gaze fell from Steph's eyes to his lap.

Steph must have assumed Castiel was talking about his injury. In a sympathetic move she reached out to place her hand on top of his. But Castiel didn't respond, he was too busy thinking how easily he would have dealt with this as an angel, and how vulnerable they were now he wasn't. Steph gave his hand a little squeeze; his other one simply gripped the silver knife a little tighter.

-oOo-

After the werewolf had ceased attacking for a few moments Sam and Dean moved away from the door. The animalistic growls were starting to fade and so the two of them pushed the furniture out of the way. Then Sam took the door while Dean aimed his gun.

"Ready?" Sam asked his brother. Dean returned a nod, and so Sam gave a forceful pull at the door. As it gave way with a creak Dean stepped forward to take a shot at the werewolf. But instead of firing his gun he stood frozen in the doorway.

"Shit… she's gone". Dean kept his gun raised just in case, though nothing faced him but the surrounding trees.

"She sure moved fast… Hey Mick? Mick you ok?" Sam noticed the hunter's eyes had slid shut. He went over to check Mick's breathing.

Dean peered into the darkness, the gun following his line of sight. Every shift of leaf and branch in the slight breeze called for his attention. But Dean would only heed the inhuman speed of a werewolf rushing forward. Nothing came. His flashlight revealed no prowling creature in the shadows, and the patches of weak moonlight across the grass exposed little. Dean judged it to be as safe as it was going to get out there.

"Ok, lets just get Mick and the others out of here. We can come back for her when we haven't got so much collateral to worry about. Grab him and I'll cover you". Dean took a step outside after issuing his instructions. Sweeping his flashlight and his gun from left to right he made doubly sure it was clear before telling Sam to come out.

-oOo-

A companionable silence had descended on the two in the car. Though Steph quickly succumbed to a restless fidgeting. Her hand flitted to the door handle and Castiel tensed. For a moment Steph seemed to battle with the idea of opening the door. Nervously she bit at her lip, then thought better of it and withdrew her delicate fingers.

"They will find him". Castiel took a stab at comforting and reassuring her. He was usually the herald of doom with the Winchesters so he didn't get much practice at it.

Steph turned to him and offered a small smile. He couldn't have done too badly then. But just as she opened her mouth to reply the window shattered and a clawed hand reached in to slash at the air. Glass showered the frightened vet and she cried out as Castiel lunged forward. The former angel grabbed Steph and pulled her closer to him, away from the searching talons. Then he lashed out with the silver knife. It was done blindly with Steph clutched protectively in his arms, but a howl told Castiel he had hit his mark. The hand withdrew and the werewolf quieted… eventually he could only hear Steph's anxious breaths against his ear.

Castiel slid into the centre of the car, pushing Steph lower into the footwell. "Stay down" he urged under his breath. He could imagine the werewolf stalking around the car and trying its luck on his side. Keeping a relaxed grip on the knife Castiel got as close to the window as he dared, trying to catch sight of the creature. The former angel cursed his feeble human eyesight as the darkness concealed the woods from him. Had he been an angel the shadows would offer no hiding place for the werewolf. Then sadly Castiel thought… had he been an angel he wouldn't be cowering in a car, afraid of a monster, with nothing but a knife to protect Steph. He would step out there and end the creature with a touch. The sadness gave way to anger - that he was so impotent in the face of something so insignificant.

As the rage started to build in Castiel the werewolf finally launched itself at his side of the car. The collision sent their car rocking on its wheels; the window gave way as the other had done. But this time Castiel didn't recoil, he stabbed out at the wolf until silver struck flesh again. As the werewolf shrunk back Castiel took a moment to turn to Steph "When I open this door you get out the other side and run. Run as fast as you can and don't look back".

"No! Castiel you'll be killed! Don't you get out of this car!" Steph's eyes were wide and her face pale. Together with her blonde hair she almost looked like a ghost.

So _now_ she wanted to stop in the car, Castiel noted with a hint of dark humour. "I'll be ok, I've faced worse and lived" …_and died too_… though he left that unsaid. Castiel put his hand to the door handle and as he pushed he yelled: "RUN!"

Thankfully Castiel heard the other door opening as well as his own. Steph was out and away. Leading with the knife the ex-angel stepped out of the car and slashed at the werewolf as it came for him. When Castiel caught the creature it jumped back with a whine and paused, glaring, as if sizing him up. Castiel did the same, taking in the hard yellow eyes, and the sharp teeth of the werewolf… With dismay the former angel noted he would have to make sure he stayed clear of the creature's bite now. Standing there looking at Hayley with her long brown hair and ragged clothes he could see the human beneath… He felt so sorry for her. The moment soon passed as a snarl lit up her face, there was nothing human in that… Apparently the werewolf had decided she could take the nasty man with the hurty knife and rushed forward.

The rage came back full force to Castiel then, he rushed forward to meet the werewolf and the two clashed with a yell and a roar. Castiel stabbed with the knife while she slashed with her claws. His furious thrusts to the heart were repeatedly deflected by her swipes, then she caught Castiel across the arm and he hissed, falling back a step. The werewolf threw a blow at him, pushing Castiel further back. The momentum took his feet from under him but Castiel rolled as he hit the ground, the werewolf sensed weakness and followed quickly. Castiel was quicker. He got back to his feet and struck at the werewolf, his blade sunk satisfyingly into the flesh of her forearm. With a howl the werewolf lashed out again, Castiel once again found himself on his back, the wind knocked out of him. As the creature rushed forward Castiel instinctively raised his leg. The werewolf ran into his foot and Castiel used its momentum to throw the creature over his head. He let out a yell as a stab of pain told Castiel he had used his bad foot… the werewolf hit the ground with a heavy thud all the same. Castiel was slower to get to his feet this time, thankfully the werewolf rolled away as it hit the ground, giving him the extra time he needed.

"CAS! RUN!" Looking over at the car Castiel spotted Dean dashing towards him from between the trees. Sam, with a man slung over his shoulder, and Steph, followed behind at a slower pace, worried looks etched on their faces.

Castiel didn't run though. Adrenaline was coursing through him, almost as good as the pills he'd succumbed to. He felt alive, the ache in his foot and the gashes on his arm were forgotten. Castiel knew he would end this creature or die trying. By now the werewolf had gained its feet and stood across from the former angel, it stared at him growling deep in its throat. Dean bellowed something again, his voice was laced with terror. The hunter raised his gun, but before Dean could take a shot the werewolf moved forward… its eyes were fixed on Castiel.

Waiting for his moment Castiel stood motionless, he was almost beckoning the werewolf on. Then when the creature was close enough for Castiel to feel the spittle flying from its sharpened teeth he forcefully thrust the knife forward with everything he had, directly at its heart. The werewolf's flesh gave way and an inhuman shriek rent the air, but even as it was dying the creature collided with Castiel and they both fell to the ground.

A few moments passed with the werewolf's lifeless body atop Castiel. The creature was still, while Castiel's breaths were frantic, his ears pounding with the last of the adrenaline running through him. He felt a warm wetness seeping across his chest from the werewolf, and then mercifully its weight was lifted from him. Dean pushed the carcass off to one side; his worried face looked down at Castiel. "You stupid son of a bitch! What did you think you were doing?"

"Protecting… Steph". He really was out of breath now. The adrenaline had worn off and Castiel's foot and injuries were making themselves known.

Dean pulled the former angel into a sitting position and started passive aggressively checking him over. Castiel winced when Dean reached the gashes on his arm. But seeing there was nothing life threatening Dean's face softened and he stood, reaching out a hand. "Alright Rambo, come on, lets get out of here".

Castiel took Dean's hand but when the former angel was hefted to his feet his leg gave way and he sank back down. Dean went to give him a little more support, pulling Castiel's arm over his shoulder. "I guess hunting werewolves ain't exactly approved physio huh?"

He might have been reading Dean wrong, but Castiel couldn't help but detect a hint of pride in the hunter. The exhausted former angel just offered a wan smile and let Dean lead him back to the car.

-oOo-

They went back to Steph's clinic to get Mick and Castiel patched up. Dean left to take care of the werewolf's body while the rest headed inside. Steph took them through the barn into the back of the clinic. Sam carried Mick while Steph fussed at him and Castiel limped after them a few steps behind. He paused and sat down on a hay bale as the others rushed ahead. Mick was the priority right now, and Castiel would rather wait out here than in there, the white walls and scent of disinfectant reminded him too much of the hospital.

The former angel looked round with an air of curiosity. This was where the larger patients were housed. All the stalls were empty but for one. A small chestnut horse looked out at him; its foot was encased in a poultice. The horse waved its head up and down a couple of times before pawing the air with its bad foot. It almost seemed to be saying 'yeah, me too, this sucks'.

Castiel smiled, they were one of God's most beautiful creatures, and their history with the human race was something to behold. He remembered watching man's first attempt to ride them, a few angels had gathered to watch and wonder at what they were doing. With delight they saw the two species forge a bond to last the ages, but delight turned to dismay as the creatures were ridden to war and slaughtered along with their masters.

The door creaked open and broke Castiel from his thoughts. Steph stepped out with a pill bottle, a glass of water, and some gauze. "Hey, what are you doing out here? Why don't you come on in?"

"I'm just keeping him company". Castiel nodded towards the horse, it raised its head with a soft snort.

"'Her' actually, she's called Nirvana, beautiful name for such a mischievous horse… poor thing has a badly abscessed foot". She handed him the glass of water and cracked open the pills, shaking a couple out. "Here, I can see your foot's hurting too, and it'll help for when we do the stitching".

A little voice at the back of Castiel's head told him Dean wouldn't like this, but he took the pills without question. Steph placed the bottle on the hay bale next to him while she pulled out a length of gauze. The bleeding had stopped while they were in transit, but the wounds still oozed a little. Steph asked Castiel to hold it against his arm while she pulled scissors and tape from a pocket. As she finished sticking it in place Sam's voice yelled for Steph through the door. It seemed Mick had started bleeding quite badly again. With a worried look Steph assured Castiel she'd be back and hurried away to the clinic. Once again Castiel was left with Nirvana.

The former angel looked up at the horse and put his hands by his sides. Castiel froze at feeling his fingers brush the pill bottle Steph had left behind. Slowly he looked down at it. It would be so easy to slip it into his pocket… Dean wouldn't like it, Dean would be angry. He didn't want to hurt Dean. But the bottle contained elation and freedom from suffering… it contained _nirvana_. He looked up at the horse and the horse looked back in a way that made Castiel feel guilty. It almost seemed to be judging his soul… if he had one now. Castiel noticed his hand had thoughtlessly worked its way into holding the bottle. Its attraction was undeniable. The former angel's mind was warring over Dean and the pills, but the war ended abruptly when he heard the door creak open. The bottle was slipped into Castiel's pocket before he really knew what he was doing.

Steph held the door open, relief written all over her face. "Boy does that man like to scare you… we've got Mick all stitched up now, your turn". She beckoned him to the door. Castiel got to his feet and met Nirvana's eyes for one last time before he left. A whispered "I'm sorry" was said under his breath.

-oOo-

Once everybody was stitched up and goodbyes had been said the boys headed home. Dawn was beginning to sweep the sky as they got out of the car and made for the cabin. Castiel reached the door first, but Dean pulled back on Sam's arm for a moment.

"Sam… There's something we need to do". It was said with a sad and reluctant tone that was quite uncharacteristic of Dean.

Sam looked back at Dean with concern before following his brother into the trees. Dean stopped at a clearing the sun was just beginning to touch. "This whole thing has got me thinking… sometimes we have to let people we love go. Mick let Hayley go, and he's got Steph there for him now. You let Madison go… I think we're going to have to let Bobby go". Dean almost had to choke the words out; he didn't want to be saying them.

The daily ritual of calling on Bobby had become a weekly ritual, which then became more sporadic and had ceased altogether. The flask was a weight on Dean's heart as well as his pocket. It was always there, always reminding him Bobby was gone and tormenting him that there was a remote possibility Bobby might come back. But he couldn't keep holding on and hoping for something that realistically wasn't going to happen. He was no better than Mick keeping his girlfriend locked up, convinced he was going to cure her. Obviously Bobby's flask was a lot less dangerous, but emotionally speaking it was still leaving Dean a wreck. He couldn't say goodbye and move on. And he needed to… they both did.

"I think you're right". Sam sounded just as dejected as his brother. "We should put him to rest once and for all… I'm sure he's up in heaven enjoying a drink and laughing at us 'idjits' down here".

Dean gave a sad smile. "Yeah, I'm sure he'd find it funny… us getting all sentimental and precious over a flask".

"It is a nice flask though". Sam tried to lighten the mood.

"Yeah, shame to burn it…" Dean took it out then, gave it a long look and handed it to Sam while he built up a fire.

Sam stepped forward once the fire was burning; it was time to say their goodbyes. "Bobby, you've been like a father to us, you've saved our necks on more than a few occasions… For that we're forever thankful. We're going to miss you down here, but we'll see you again. Just save us a seat and make sure there's a cold one ready for when we get there". Though blinking away tears he had tried to speak lightly.

Then Dean took the flask from Sam and held it up. "Bobby… you know I'm no good at chick flick moments, and there's nothing I can say that will ever express what you mean to me. As you once said: family don't end with blood, you're part of the family, you always were and always will be". He paused and took in a deep breath, as if he were going to continue. Dean seemed to think better of it, crouching down to place the flask into the fire instead. His face told of a spirit that was shattered, his eyes held back tears, and his mouth seemed as if it would betray him with a sob instead of words. In any case, Dean's expression said more than words ever could.

The two brothers watched until the flask had melted and the sun came up. Not another word passed between them until they turned to leave the clearing behind.

-oOo-

It was midnight, and Castiel stood at the foot of a hill. A full moon was high in the sky above it, casting pale shadows across the ground. The former angel took in the chilly air and looked up in wonder. In all his years watching the earth and walking the earth he had never seen anything so beautiful. Though something in his pocket burned against his leg… Castiel felt the ground shake, the thunder of hooves against dirt reached him and a horse appeared at the brow of the hill. It stood there proud, head held high. Castiel could not make out its features; the horse remained a silhouette against the bright moonlight. But as it watched him the burning at Castiel's leg intensified.

Then a clattering pulled him to wakefulness.

"Here you go Cas. Cas? Wake up dude, it's melting".

Castiel opened his eyes to see a bowl of ice cream on the table in front of him. Then Sam took a seat next to him on the sofa and handed beers around. The brothers held their bottles up and looked expectantly at Castiel, so he followed suit. They clinked their bottles together as Dean announced solemnly: "To Bobby". Sam uttered a quiet "Bobby", and Castiel joined in.

Then respects having being paid to Bobby the three of them dug in to their ice cream. Dean looked across at Castiel, as if wondering whether to say something. Eventually he opened his mouth. "Hey Cas, good job with that werewolf".

It momentarily stunned Castiel. "Thank you… but I thought you wanted me to stay in the car?"

"Yeah well… maybe I underestimated you. Hey, how about tomorrow I take you outside and teach you to shoot? Sam can teach you to… I dunno, hug brave little soldiers or something".

"Jerk" Sam shot at him.

"Bitch" Dean shot right back.

Castiel smiled, ignoring the sibling sniping going on. "I would like that very much Dean. I am glad you are putting your faith in me, and I will try my hardest not to let you down".

It was perhaps verging on chick flick territory as Dean changed the subject. "Great, now we need a word for Cas… he can't have 'idjit' that was Bobby's".

After a few moments of thought Castiel suddenly shouted out "Assbutt!"

"Ok… good one, that'll do. Now shut up and eat your ice cream. It's going to be a busy day tomorrow. We got work to do".

_A free bird leaps  
on the back of the wind  
and floats downstream  
till the current ends  
and dips his wing  
in the orange sun rays  
and dares to claim the sky_

-oOo-

Note: Well there we go, this was a quickie to get Cas back on his feet (uh, it was meant to be a quickie - a short one shot grew into a two part 10,000+ word monster, heh). I'm in the middle of writing the next installment that will take them to purgatory :D I'm on the third chapter, but it's another long one so it's probably going to take me a bit longer to write (I don't like posting WIPs - I go back and change too much! eg this was originally called Lark Ascending *g*). I was hoping to get it out before season 8 starts and show's version of purgatory pees all over mine, hehe. Not sure that'll happen, but we'll see how it goes :) Thanks for reading y'all! :D


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